Explode the moment 2

Sentences from my own short story...

1# Once my heart rate became more or less stable, I pushed the hair out of my eyes and sighed. “First day of high-school...” I mumbled to myself half asleep.

Now the exploded version:  

    My heart was racing, my eyes darted across the room, searching every inch of it for any invaders that could possibly be in my room. My eyes rested in the floor, where my alarm-clock lay scattered in small pieces on my meshed carpet. I took a deep breath and brushed the light chestnut hair out of my eyes. I realized what day it was and sighed deeply, "First day of high-school...Great." I mumbled to myself dazed. 

2# I stood up and stepped over the stuffed animals and pillows that I had knocked off my bed in the night, and dragged my feet over to my bureau. 

Now the exploded version: 

    I pulled the dark green bed spread off of my lower half, it was tattered and faded. I had gotten it for my 9th birthday 6 years ago. I tossed my legs over the side of my bed and stood. I stepped over the dozens of stuffed rabbits and pillows covered the floor. I had a knack for pushing things off the bed in my sleep. Once I was clear of the stuffed mountain I dragged my feet across the carpet and made my way over to my old wooden bureau.

:)

Explode the moment

Lucy wiggled her toes free from the blanket of sand covering her body. She giggled at the feeling of the tiny rocks trickling down her toes. Her sister, Mary was observing her father who was scooping up large handfuls of sand on to her sisters feet. Her mother plopped large amounts of sand over Lucy’s arm; it never seemed to stay put. Always sliding down the sides of her arms, further packing the space between her arm and waist. Colorful buckets, shovels and sifters were scattered all around them. Little plastic molds were filed with sand and placed on top of the sand that was patted down atop little Lucy and Mary. They will never forget the time they went to the beach, or how long it took to get all the sand off of them. 

Writers notebook blog post 1#

I'm going to paint a character with words.

He sat on the windowsill, the drapes flowing wildly around him. His expression was that of pure relaxation. He wasn't one to smile, but the smallest hint tugged at the left corner of his mouth. His black hair swayed softly with the breeze. The jetblack mass went well below his ears. You could see his eyes for once. His shaggy bangs always hung over his eyes, that were a stunning emerald color. Long, black lashes lined the narrow gems.
His eyebrows where dark, well shaped, and set into such a position on him that no matter what he was feeling he always looked focused on something. His pale skin was like porcelain, smooth and without imperfection.
He was not athletic, but he was strong. You could just see the trace of muscles that lined his arms. He was sitting in a position that had him leaning against the side of the sill. The leg closest to the window was up so that his knee could support his arm that led up to his hand that was holding up his head. He had his hand placed to cup his chin and mouth. The opposite leg was draped over the sill and on the floor. His arm placed to rest his elbow on his leg and the rest of his arm and hand were where ever they landed.
His black T-shirt had his favorite band name written in big red letters that resembled paint splatters. His dark jeans were fitted to his legs. He wore no shoes on his feet. If it was up to him, he wouldn't wear shoes unless he wanted to for style.
He was beautiful.
 He was calm.
 And he was only a memory.
A picture, in the palm of my hand.

-Rhiannon Maxheimer
 Thank you!

Writing activity 3

My name is Felix Hawthorne. 

I am 19 years old 

I am a perfect 5.8 and toned in every which direction. I have stunning silver-blue eyes. My face is superiorly formed, it much resembles a sculpted masterpiece. I am the perfect tone, not to pale as to look frail, but not too tan as to look like I spend all my time in a crop field. I have dark brown hair that is softer than a raven’s feather. I could go on further, but this interview would become much to long. 

I live in a land (which I am ruler of) that is called Sherick. I would have named it after myself, but the fools I call my people didn’t think so highly of it. Its a land that is beautiful, it has rushing waterfalls, swaying fields, rock mountains...Ha. I am currently forming a plan to build a much bigger palace, who needs all the ‘beautiful views’ when you have me?

My family? My family consists of Me, Myself, and I. I do live with the two who gave birth to me...My ‘father’ is technically King. But his decisions are foolish and petite... If it was up to me, ever person would pay three times the taxes they pay now.  

I like to read. I know, why waste my time? But, there is something about going somewhere else than this damned place...being someone different that I find interesting. I can also play several instruments, but my favorite would be the violin.

What is different about me? Well, I am a Prince. Also, I have a curse set upon me by a disgusting hag. I become...Well, lets just say that I become a monster. It’s kind of a sensitive subject...

I care about me. What else is there to care about? I have myself, thats all I need.

Why would I have fears? What is there in the world that I should fear? 

Right now, I am smiling for the wonderful picture you are going to print for this interview...And you better make sure that I look good. Not that is possible for me not to. 

Writing activity 2

My name is Maggie Anderson.

I am 16 years old.

I have long dark brown hair that Is wavy towards the ends. I usually wear it in a ponytail. I have fair and pale skin. It is usually clear.

I live in a private school off the coast of Maine. My parents are traveling Journalists so I’m usually on my own.

My mom and my dad are usually away, but My brother, Dan is going to be famous someday. He has supported me up to three years ago, when he left to find a record deal.

I love to sing. I play the piano and my favorite thing to do is to write. I don’t like to write non-fictional things, I love to use my imagination to create adventurous stories. 

I have a long scar across my back. It was from an accident when I was three. I can’t sleep alone without someone in the house with me...I guess with a T.V. on it would work.

I care about my cat, Casper. And my brother Dan. You could say that I can about my parents, But I don’t see them more than Christmas and a few weekends around June.

I am afraid of being alone. I hate walking alone down a street, or being home alone without my Computer/T.V. I don’t want to be alone when I’m older, either.

Right now I am writing a story about a dark prince who’s thrown is taken from him because of his arrogance. It’s so cool! I also intend on sending it to a publishing contest. If I win, My story will be published!

My favorite color is Orange. Just like my favorite fruit, Oranges.

My favorite animal is a cat. Or a tiger, they both have whiskers!

I seem to have enemies in my school, they are a group of kids who alway hang around the park next to a rundown library.

The tone of Clockwork Fagin

The tone of clockwork Fagin is Dark, steampunk, rusty and at some times, cheerful.

Its takes place in the steampunk era when many children who are sent to work in factories get injured by all the big machines. And their missing limbs are replaced with metal. Once they are Handicapped they are sent to St. Agatha's.

Examples of tone:
"I remember my first night in the hole, a time that seemed to stretch to infinity, a darkness so deep I thought perhaps I had gone blind. And most of all, I remember the sound of the cellar door loosening, the bar being shifted, the ancient hinges squeaking, the blinding light stabbing into me above, and the silhouette of old Grinder, holding out one of his hairy, long fingered hands for me to catch hold of, like an angel come to rescue me fromt he pits of hades." (Doctorow, 57)

This emphasises how dark the story is. And how Grinder just breaks the children into loving him for saving them from the very thing that he did to them.

My first impression of Clockwork Fagin

First of all, the story 'clockwork fagin' is a short story in a book of short stories about the steampunk period called "Steampunk!"
        Before I began to read this book, I wasn't exactly sure what 'steampunk' was. I had heard it was a style of dress. But I wasn't really clear.
Now after reading the beginning of Clockwork Fagin I understand that its more of a time period in the future, or a time when all of the machines cause injury to the people, so they must use mechanical limbs or replacements for vital body parts.

I chose this book because I was just curious about the stories and how they would be different from every other fantasy story. Myself, being a writer, was fascinated in the new style of writing.

I think that some of the students in class would enjoy this book. It is adventurous and fascinating. With its pushing action, witty characters and fantastic story line.
I love the characterizations and tone in this story. They are very, dare I say, rusty. With its metal connections and its rundown setting.

I love this story so far.

The theme of Harrison Bergeron

The theme of Harrison Bergeron is very abstract and very simple all at once. It really depends on your view. 

But, I am going to stick with the theme being what the dangers of total or forced equality are.

If you force everyone to be equal, then what kind of a nation are we? If everyone is the same, then it is no different then someone standing in a house of mirrors. Everyone if the same in every way, no one is anyone but the one person they are. Everyone would be one person in the sense that there isn't even more than one person. Just copies of one. 

In Harrison Bergeron the beautiful must be masked, the strong must be weakened, and the smart must be desensitised. So, what would happen if someone was more ugly, weak, or stupid then everyone else?

In a world where there are no independent individuals, would everyone higher than them be dragged down to this one persons level? Can one person ever be exactly the same? 

If you are only as strong as your weakest link, where is the weakest link?

What is the basis of comparison for equality? I mean, what is normal? 

In the story, the higher officials weren't handicapped...They weren't masked, and they weren't desensitised. 

So, this also would bring in another theme, the theme of a dangerous government. If thous certain people who are extraordinarily excellent aren't made normal, then where is the equality?!

There is no equality, only restraint. Then the government is not only forcing thous of lesser power to be equal, it is forcing them to be slaves! To be denied their rights to be human! 

Because, Like the snowflakes, there are no two the same.

The Knife Of Never Letting Go- Blog 6

So as the action moves us forward at a heart-stopping speed, we find Todd and Manchee face to face with a girl. I believe that the way Todd reacts to this girl, never having seen one before, is a very realist and accurate comparison. An example would be when he first saw her:

"There it is, looking back at us, breathing heavy, crouched at the base of a tree, cowering from Manchee. its eyes practically dying from fright but still trying to offer up a pitiful threat with its arms. And I just stop. I hold my knife. "Spackle!" Manchee barks, tho he's too chicken to attach now that I've held back "Spackle! Spackle! Spackle!" "Shut up Manchee," I say. "Spackle!" "I said shut up!" I shout, which stops him. "Spackle?" Manchee says, unsure of things now. I swallow, trying to get rid of the pressure in my throat, the unbelievable sadness that come and comes as I look at it looking back at me. Knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world keeps changing, whether I want it to or not. Cuz it ain't a Spackle. "It's a girl." I say. Its a girl." (Ness, 64)

I think the way he describes the surprise and the "pressure" is interesting. I would interpret it like, he feels the unbelievable loneliness and he is confused by how this girl makes him feel that it all comes crashing down on him.

The tone of this quote just allows me to feel the confusion and the heart stopping shock Todd felt in the moments of his discovery.

 I love how Patrick Ness creates his characterization of Todd just through the way he speaks and the way he thinks. Allowing the reader to literally hear is thoughts was a very great idea.

Plot Diagram.

The plot Diagram of Harrison Bergeron:

EXPOSITION: 1: George Bergeron Has flash backs of Harrison being taken away.
2: The news informs everyone that harrison has escaped from jail.

RISING ACTION: 3.Harrison appears in the theater and threatens everyone with a bomb.
4. Harrison breaks free of all his handicaps.
5. The police surround the building and try to disarm the bomb.
6. Harrison dances with a ballerina. The crowd is stunned.
7. The police disarm the bomb. the bomb was a distraction.
8. Harrison sets of the ral device and the tv's are turned on.

CLIMAX: 9: Harrison is killed.

FALLING ACTION: 10. The people are stunned.
11. George is stunned and so is hazel.

RESOLUTION: 12. They both forget.

Patrick Ness

Watching The London Book Fair's interview with Patrick Ness was actually an inspiration to me as a writer. I found Patrick Ness to be a very insightful and honest man. He had many very wise and interesting views on somethings. These were some of those things:

"Every book is about its writer." (Ness)

Mr. Ness said that a story is about its writer in the sense that we write from what we know. Who we are, how we feel and where we are. A very interesting quote that I agree with.

"I'm a real believer in, you absolutely listen to the story first and formost what its telling you it needs to be and the important things is not to be a snob. Its telling you it needs to be this, if thats the right thing then you've got to pay attention to it." (Ness)

This was a quote that I found greatly interesting. Mr. Ness talks about how a story writes itself. If you don't let the story develop the way it wants to then the story isn't how it should be. In a sense, he is saying that you can't leave things out because you don't think anyone will like it. You have to develop the story to how it should be or it won't be right.

"Writing can't be taught, it can be practiced." (Ness)

This is a wonderful quote. Mr. Ness really feels that you can only teach how you write, only give tips. Writing is a personalized and individual skill that is developed uniquely by the writer. One's style of writing is a unique and precious thing.

"Good books don't get written if their not written for the story themselves."

I love this quote. It really gives you a sense of how a story is developed. Mr. Ness goes on to say that if you don't write a story for the story itself than its not a story, its a product. I agree. If you write a story to fit inside a certain box than its not written for the story.

I enjoyed learning about this author and look to his with great respect as a mentor and role-model for my dream to become a writer.

The Tone of A Story. (Harrison Bergeron)

The tone of a story or a book is the mood or emotion that the writer enforces in a story. It can be created by the words (diction), the setting or the sentence structure. The way a story's tone is, both effects the readers feelings and the story's effect. Some examples of how the tone can effect the reader would be:

" The moon was glimmering and the trees were swaying in the cool breeze. The sound it made was peaceful, like the calming rush of the oceans waves. I walked through the park, the tall lamps illuminating the path with a soft and warm glow. "  -Rhiannon

This first example is almost quiet and calm.
Now lets change some words and descriptions...

" The moon was high in the sky a glowed with a pale and ghostly light. The wind was cold and it blew the leaves in the trees wildly, creating a sound much like the raging waves in a storm controlled sea. I walked down this empty and eerie path. The tall lamps standing high above me like glaring black skeletons, the light they projected cast long dark shadows that reached out to grab at their passing victims. "
-Rhiannon

So this is the same place and the same situation but with a different tone. The difference a tone can have in a story can completely change the course of the story. And it sets the readers mood.

Examples of tone in Harrison Bergeron:

"It was tragic, all right, but George and Hazel couldn't think about it very hard. Hazel had a perfectly average intelligence, which meant she couldn't think about anything except in short bursts. And George, while his intelligence was way above normal, had a little mental handicap radio in his ear. He was required by law to wear it at all times. It was tuned to a government transmitter. Every twenty seconds or so, the transmitter would send out some sharp noise to keep people like George from taking unfair advantage of their brains." (Vonnegut, pg 1) 

This describes the tone in a indirect way. Using descriptive and interesting language, Vonnegut created a isolated, twisted, cruel and complicated tone. 

"And she had to apologize at once for her voice, which was a very unfair voice for a woman to use. Her voice was a warm, luminous, timeless melody. "Excuse me-" she said, and she began again, making her voice absolutely uncompetitive." (Vonnegut, pg 4) 

This gives us an idea of how the tone of the story is also, revealing how life is for the people of the year 2081. How people must mask who they are inorder for the rest of the world to feel 'comfortable' with themselves. 

The tone is very pressured. It gives us a sad and depressed tone.

The Knife Of Never Letting Go- Blog 5

The action in this book continues to rise. As todd and Manchee run on their way to this strange destination that Ben has sent them off to, I began to feel a connection to Todd. He thinks often like I do. He thinks that maybe the world is out to get him (in the sense that he is alone. The world is, in fact out to get him...) or that there is no hope anymore. I think that we as people often feel out of place or unwanted. And we often give up on ourselves. It is just part of our nature.

Todd and Manchee follow the map and are doing fine when Aaron (the Psycho preist) finds them and tries to kill, yes, kill Todd. Aaron gets eaten by an aligator (so we thought) and was taken out of the picture. Just when you think it couldn't get anymore fast paced, the silence, or "Hole in the noise," Appears again. Todd, not going to let it escape this time runs after it to kill it.

Now, Todd thinks that it is a spackle. A spackle is a kind of life form, aliens from the planet that Prentiss Town moved to. They started the war that ended up with a germ being released that killed all the women and most the men. They were supposed to be extinct.

So anyway, Todd is running to it, his heart pounding as this thing runs away from it.
Now by this point I have a million theory's going through my mind and my heart is pounding just as Todds was. But, When he gets to the hole...Its a girl. Thats right a girl. And he can't hear a sound out of her but her terrified breathing.

What a twist that was.

The Knife Of Never Letting Go-blog 4

Wow. This book has completely changed course and blown my mind. The action is compelling in such a way that you just can't turn a page fast enough!
I love how creative Ness is, his style of writing is certainly new to me but is a very fresh and realistic change. He uses certain spelling or vocabulary to show that we are basically reading either directly from Todd's thoughts or out of some kind of journal.

Ex "You'll get an explanashun," Ben says, taking me by the arm and pulling me along. "You'll get more than you ever wanted." And there's so much sadness to him when he says it that I don't say nothing more, just follow along running back to the house, Manchee barking his head off behind us" (Ness, 41)

It both proves how little he actually had to learn to read, write and speak. Well that would make sense, that is, because books are banned from Prentiss Town. This book is a fun and compelling read. I can't wait to further explore the world of Todd Hewitt.

Conflicts So far in The Knife Of Never Letting Go.

So far from what information I have collected; the main conflicts in The Knife Of Never Letting Go are:

1. Person Vs. Society; When everyone can read your mind their is really no place to think. Todd is always constantly under watch. Soon into the book the whole town is chasing after him.

And the second I believe is Person vs. Nature, On Todds way to find the 'new frontier' he has to dodge wild crocodiles, run through swampy and slippery forests and follow weaving paths and trails along side a river! Todd, Manchee and their new acquired friend Viola race across the unfamiliar terrains and escape the clutches of the mayor, his goons and a crazy pastor named Aaron.
But as they get closer to their destination they learn more about each other, and about themselves. 

5 Things Parent Shouldn't Say to Their Kids. Response-(Choice article of the week)

I found this article both insightful and agreeable. The things parents say to their kids can be harmful and badly effective. I agree fully with what this article had to say.
But, there is one thing that I would change- or, add to rather.
It was: "Say your sorry." In the end it said to say this instead of the said statement, "Apologize to the child for your kid as a way to model the behavior you[re trying to encourage. And make sure that when you're in situations where an apology is warranted, you deliver it just as easily." I would add that you should afterward have a conversation about why what they did was wrong and why you apologized and why they should.
This not only goes for parents, but it goes for people in general. Everyone should take the time to think about what they say before they let it leave their mouths. Words can hurt and negatively effect people just as much as a fist could. We as people should take this into consideration.

Thank you!

The Knife Of Never Letting Go part 3

Welcome back!

Just when I thought this couldn't possibly become anymore strange and interesting this story just becomes more and more of an adventure. As soon as Todd gets home he finds himself running away as fast as he can.
His guardians Ben and Cillian both become very alert and frightened when they catch wind of Todd's strange occurrence in the swamp. They run around the house collecting things and pulling up the floor boards to get to a backpack. Todd, getting no answers from either of the frantic pair just becomes more and more angry and scared by the minute. Just when Todd is about to get some answers the sheriff appears at their door gun loaded and ready to "talk" to Todd about what was heard from his thoughts.
Ben nearly has to push Todd out of the back door while Cillian fights off the young sheriff.
Todd and Manchee run off out the back door, and to their unknown destiny.

Thank you!

The Knife Of Never Letting Go- blog 2

Hello, this is Ray again and this is the second part of The Knife Of Never Letting Go.

Todd and Manchee were off trying to find swamp apples for Todd's guardian Ben when they notice that there is a break in the thoughts or "noise" so it is called in Prentisstown. The two call this break "quiet," it's the only way they can describe it. The effect it has on Todd is very strange he describes it as so:
 "Well, I can't hear it, that's the whole point, but when I run toward it the emptiness of it is touching my chest and the stillness of it pulls at me and there's so much quiet in it, no, not quiet, silence, so much unbelievable silence that I start to feel really torn up, like  i;m about to lose the most valuable thing ever, like there it is, a death, and I'm running and my eyes are watering and my chest is just crushing and there's no one to see but I still mind and my eyes start crying, they start crying, they start effing crying, and I stop for a minute and I bend over and Jesus H. Dammit, you can just a whole stinking, stupid minute bent over there, by which time, of, course, the hole is moving away, its moved away, it's gone." (Ness 15-16)
It seems to be such a foreign force to him that he cannot get close or he will collapse. So Todd runs away, back through town where he tries to hide what he had experience in his thoughts. But how do you hide something as big as this, when everyone can read your every thought?
Scared and confused Todd arrives back home to see his one of two guardians Ben, where the course of his life is changed forever.

Thank you!

The Deafness Before the Storm. Reflection

The mistake that President Bush made was a big and fatal mistake.

By ignoring the warnings from the CIA and not forming a defense, 9/11 was preformed without second thoughts.

This could have been avoided had it been placed in the big picture.
But instead it was placed as a false alarm, a rumor. Even so, is a rumor of terrorist proportion was in place something should have been done about it.

By putting a rumar behind him thoughtlessly and ignoring the possible threar, president Bush allowed an attack of such a size happen,.
And attack that would effect the world.  

Turn off the Phone (and the tension) reponse

Personally, I don't feel that I am over communicated. 

There are times when I am enjoying what I am doing so I spend longer on the devices, no denying that. But, on the other hand I didn't take my computer home over the summer and I lost my phone. Do I suppose that if I had as much access to the devices as a normal teen than I would have this issue.

     As far as Some coping strategies that I think would be a good thing for me would be; setting limits on how long I am on these devices, timing myself, going foe a walk around my neighborhood, going to my friends house, drawing or writing on paper or cleaning something.

         An issue as widespread as the media bug is one that should be reduced, I believe this would be good to try.

The Knife Of Never Letting Go- Blog 1

Hey! This is Ray. This is the beginning to my many parted blog about The book: The Knife Of Never Letting Go. (Patrick Ness) I hope you enjoy it and have a great time reading. Thanks a bunch! -Ray

This book (though I have only read 13Pgs) has already been a very imaginative and different read.

It follows Todd, a 12 year old boy with a talking dog Manchee. Todd and Manchee live in Prentisstown, which, happens to be on a different planet. On this planet a few things seem different from our own... Everyone can hear each others thoughts, And there are no women on this planet.

So despite the differences from his planet and ours, Todd is just like a normal "almost man" boy.

Within the first few pages the way the characters talk was an almost comical twist to me. Todd saying things like "Yer" rather than "your" or when Manchee speaks and almost always has something to say about "poo". 

The way Ness creates the thoughts of the character is truly original. Making the thoughts a slurry of ideas and passing memories is an interesting way to view thoughts.  So Far this book has been a fun read and I can't wait to read more!

Thanks a bunch!

Ray.